Have you heard the saying that divorce falls hardest on the children’s backs? This is true. Going through a divorce, there is a co-parenting decision: your kids will have a tough time. It will be even harder if you do not understand the custody laws on children. They’re not too complicated but you can easily make a mistake. Let us be clear, co-parenting is not an easy task. If you ever find yourself in this situation you’ll understand. It is a great responsibility. You don’t only need to be a good parent but to behave within the laws and regulations.
If a divorce is happening and co-parenting is on the table, there are numerous things you must do. First of all, you need to watch for what is good for you and your kids. This you’ll do by hiring respectable Divorce and Child Custody Lawyers. The second thing you need to do is to remain focused and keep reading this article. Attorneys will take you only part of the way. Once the divorce is completed you’ll be better off by reading these legal tips for co-parenting after divorce.
As we said, getting separated is never easy, and kids often find it hard to accept the new reality. This is why being on a mission of being a fine parent is important. From the side of love and attention, this might be an easier task than from a purely legal standpoint. But, that’s why you have us. When you become one part of the co-parenting process you’ll need all the help you can get. This article is only one part of the entire solution. So, please, continue reading and check out these legal tips we have prepared for you.
Easier said than done. During a divorce, emotions take over. It happens to everyone. But, once the ordeal is completed you need to focus on the future. Everyone’s future. An ideal way to start doing this is to be rational. Cooperating with a soon-to-be ex-spouse is a passionate deal for most of us. But remaining a good and professional ex is possible. Keep matters rational. Kids do not need to go through emotional breakdowns together with you and your spouse. If you don’t think you can handle this rationale by yourself, talking to a friend or a family member could help. In more extreme cases it is better to look for therapy. Talking to a professional helps. A therapist to rationalize the situation. This is the scenario you want for your future co-parenting endeavors.
Write Instead of Talk
Many things can be lost in words when you speak with your soon-to-be ex-partner. So, verbal communication should be a no-no in most important situations that arose during a divorce. You’ll find yourself facing many unfulfilled promises. Everything important for yourself, your partner, and your kids needs to be written down. But, even a written trail can be altered. You do not want this to happen, so you’re better off relying on respectable software. Your best options are Two Houses and Talking Parents. Whatever you write through these platforms can’t be altered. So, any agreement you made must stand. Trust us when we say they’re respectable. Courts often use their data to determine partners’ disputes during a trial.
While important decisions are better to have written down, it remains vital that you keep the communication channels open. When we say channels we mean it. Once divorced and in a situation to co-parent you need to have more channels. Any personal dispute that remains unresolved, you might have needs to be dealt with by your partner in private. When you talk about kids, their school performance, or any other subject focused on kids you need to leave your emotions to the side. Once you can agree that the situation regarding your kids is top notch you can open another channel and discuss anything that remains on the table. Communication is vital for co-parents but only in the norms that allow the best for your kids.
Kids Come First
Divorce is a messy ordeal. Once your emotions are shattered it is hard to think about anyone else but yourself. It is easy to be selfish when you’re getting a divorce. But, when you have children, being selfish is the last thing you want. You need to look out for your best interest, yes, but the focus needs to be on your children and not on yourself. When divorcing and becoming a co-parent you need to put the well-being of your kids in the first place. There is no other way to go around this. Put them in the center of all conversation. The chances are if you do the best for your children you’ll do the best for yourself too. It will help their growth and keep their relationship with their ex in functioning condition.
Share a Calendar
Technology can help even during a divorce. The easiest way to be in touch with your ex-spouse and the events of your children is by sharing a Google calendar. This is a great way to never miss an important event. Also, you can keep your partner in touch with what’s happening in your life. So, when there’s a doctor’s appointment or a birthday party with a friend there will be no complaints that one party remained uninformed. A shared Google calendar is the best thing you can do for all parties involved. It is especially useful if you visit a therapist together after a divorcee. Also, any scheduled event can be visited and revisited by all parties and you can discuss when is the best time to go on a vacation, or when you should have your kids at soccer practice. Technology can change our lives for the better. This is a fact that not many people understand. But, the chances are that during a divorce you won’t even remember this idea. That’s why you have us here.
Work on New Routines
While you might not be thinking of this when you go through the early stages of a divorce routines are important. When married, both partners and your children have established routines. This is normal. But once the divorce kicks in and you start co-parenting things change. You’ll be needing new routines. You need to get away from what you used to do. So, keep things simple, and start drifting toward new things. You don’t need to do this aggressively but you do need to establish new routines. As we said, there is no need to complicate matters in this department. Just select a new board game before dinner. Change what you eat on weekends, or simply start watching a new Netflix show. Make small steps toward big changes that the future certainly holds.
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Keep the Distance
When people get divorced they often tend to keep matters to themselves from the broader public. Of course, your friends and family will know, but the parents of the children your kids are playing soccer with won’t. you need to tell them. No, we’re not suggesting that you should go door to door and spread the news. But, a divorce is not something you should be silent on. When you visit the sports events or recitals your children are having you should sit far away from one form another. This is the route to take. You’re divorced and there is no need to sit beside each other. You’re doing this for your kids, and that’s nice. But what you should do for yourself in this situation is to sit far from your ex-partner. Yes, think of the kids, and be there for them, but be far away from your ex for your well-being.
Joint Major Decision Making
As we said a few times, co-parenting can be hard. Working on the best interests of your kids with your ex is not an easy task. It is possible that you won’t agree on many things. But, aligning on major decisions needs to exist. When you’re talking about the school they’re going to attend or which doctor will be their selected medic you need to share an opinion. If you can’t communicate on these matters you probably need to have a joint therapy session or two. When you can’t get on the same page on important matters you need a third-party opinion. Trust us this is beneficial for everyone involved. Think of the children. After all, with these decisions, you’re influencing their imminent future.
This is vital! Be honest! You need to be honest with everyone involved in this process and especially your kids. Be honest to yourself, to your soon-to-be ex-wife, your attorney, and the court. But, don’t forget the kids. Just be honest with them. Tell them what went wrong. Why are you getting a divorce. Everything can be discussed with your kids if they’re old enough. You shouldn’t keep them in the dark. Honesty is the best route you can take. It is not that hard. After all, the entire situation will develop in front of your kids. You only need to keep them informed in the most honest way possible.